According to the Harvard Business Review (HBR), people often think they are better listeners than in actuality. They believe good listening means just a few things: not talking when others are speaking, letting others know you are listening through facial expressions and verbal sounds (e.g., Mm-hmm), and being able to repeat what others have said.
HBR analyzed data describing the behavior of 3,492 participants in a development program designed to help managers become better coaches. The study concluded that good listening is much more than being silent while the other person talks.
People perceive the best listeners to be those who periodically ask questions that promote discovery and insight. Good listening also includes interactions that build a person’s self-esteem. The best listeners make the conversation a positive experience for the other party, which does not happen when the listener is passive.
Good listening happens in a cooperative conversation. Feedback flows smoothly in both directions. Neither party becomes defensive or takes the spotlight for themselves.
Finally, good listeners tend to make suggestions. It always includes some feedback provided in a manner others can accept and that opens up alternative paths to consider.