Student writing for G.B.C. - how childcare subsidies would impact Japanese society

Keep writing!

Students at the English Farm write some amazing G.B.C. answers, and we like to share the best of the best.

This piece has had minor corrections by a teacher, but the logic, structure, and word choice are the student's.

Today's question: How would childcare subsidies impact Japanese society?

How childcare subsidies would impact Japanese society... That's an interesting question, let me put my thinking cap on...

First, if the subsidies are used to increase the number of day care centers in big cities, then working women can return to their work. Roughly speaking, more than 25,000 children are on the waiting list, which means the same number of women cannot help but to give up full-time work. In addition to that, if every working woman could use daycare centers and using them was regarded as natural, then more and more women would not hesitate to give birth, which would lead to the birth-rate improving.

To be honest, in Japan, there is an old-fashioned mindset that it is better for women to become housewives and raise children at home. It is important to break the mindset by making new role models.

So, to wrap up, I think childcare subsidies would have a huge positive impact, and I hope the Japanese government uses the subsidies properly!

This is excellent for a variety of reasons. 

  • It's a good example of practicing spoken English in written form. The author repeats the question and includes thinking phrases in their writing.
  • It's also a good spoken style because even when the sentences are long, they still break into relatively small, easy to understand chunks: "If every working woman could use daycare centers // and using them was regarded as natural, // then more and more women would not hesitate to give birth, // which would lead to the birth-rate improving." 
  • The author also uses a lot of transition and signposting phrases such as: "roughly speaking", "in addition to that", "to be honest", and "to wrap up". 

So keep writing, and strive to make your English both complex and easy to understand—like this example. 

signposting [verb]—signaling to the listener that you are moving on to a next point or finishing. This is used often in presentations.