Consulting 4.1 デジタルコミュニケーション：ビジネスメールにおけるマナーと表現

Answers

1. Tom is sending Malcolm the timeline to get his opinion on it, and also to setup a meeting.

2. Same reason as the first text, but your student will probably take longer to read it, or even have to read it a couple of times.

3. The first email is easier to read (see notes below). It´s important to consider the reader whenever writing. Encourage your student to imagine they are the recipient.  (Note: Your student may comment on communicative contexts that require more formal language. That´s fine as there is little very context in these two examples. Talk about when more formal writing might be necessary. Bear in mind, though, the focus of this lesson is clear writing)

Here are some comments on the language of the two emails: 

1. It's overly formal without being polite. Looking at the context, it seems the person has sent an email but, for instance, they refer to them as Mr. Malcolm Jones—a very formal way of writing, used for complaints or bureaucratic correspondence. 
2. It's way too wordy. English emails are short and to-the-point. This one repeats a lot of information: 
   - describes and outlines (These mean the same thing.)
   - PDF file (PDF is a noun, so it doesn't need to be paired with another noun.)
   - currently existing (Redundant—if it exists, it's current; and if it's current, it exists.)
   - is located in (This is a pet peeve—located is almost never needed. Your office is in Tokyo.)
3. It uses jargon and uncommon words. (When client-facing, generally avoid "consulting-ese" words like leverage.) 
4. They have ended with an imperative, "please reply", which is used for complaining or in very strict, formal correspondence. It seems unfriendly, partly because it's instructing the person to do what they are going to do anyway. A more positive ending would be something like, "Please let me know when you are next available."

There is a great plugin called "Boomerang responder" for Gmail. It analyses emails: 

Compared with: 

From Boomerang: READING LEVEL

Reading grade level provides an estimate of how complex your writing is. Surprisingly, emails written at a 3rd grade reading level (i.e. emails that could be understood by someone with a 3rd grade education) are most likely to get a response.Simpler words and shorter sentences yield a lower reading grade level.