Student writing for G.B.C. - should there be more female leaders?

Students at the English Farm write some amazing G.B.C. answers, and we like to share the best of the best.

This piece has had minor corrections by a teacher, but the logic, structure, and word choice are the student's.

Should there be more female leaders?

In my opinion, I tend not to think we have to focus on diversity first. It seems to me that the most important thing is whether people can contribute to their organization. For this reason, I wouldn't say there must be more female leaders today. However, at the same time, I think there can be more female leaders when we take into consideration the ratio of males to females and the rising level of education for females. For instance, I definitely think PM Merkel in Germany is one of the greatest leaders in the world. I tend to think we can say the same thing for companies. Some try to quickly raise the ratio of females of their board members, and might have a female employee who doesn't have enough experience to get promoted to be a board member. I suppose this will be really hard for her because of her lack of experience. It seems to me that it is not good for either her or her company. So, in a nutshell, I guess giving everyone the same opportunity is enough.

This is a very strong answer for quite a few reasons: 

  1. When it comes to the controversial topic of women in leadership, the speaker's tone is tentative—they use phrases like "I tend not to think", "It seems to me", "I wouldn't say" and "I suppose". 
  2. That tentative tone is balanced with a clear point of view, "I definitely think PM Merkel in Germany is one of the greatest leaders in the world."
  3. This answer uses the idiom "in a nutshell" perfectly to transition into the ending.
  4. The ending is very strong, and it introduces new information that brings the whole argument together—the speaker is actually most interested in equality.

Keep writing so you can clearly and naturally state your opinions more, like this example.