Small talk can be an important aspect of building rapport with a client or colleague. However, the objective of this lesson is not to imply that you must always have small talk in business. Rather, this lesson will help you be more comfortable with small talk to give you the choice of having small talk in situations where it is appropriate and beneficial.
- What are some cultural expectations to small talk that you know about?
- You are greeting a client you know well. What are a few questions you'd ask?
Topics to discuss:
- Characteristics about your current location. Weather is a common topic in regions with climate fluctuation.
- A current news story.
- Travel.
- Fine arts: museums, books, movies, theater, etc.
- Hobbies.
- Sports.
You might want to add: topics to avoid:
Rule of thumb: Don't pry. Unless the person directly tells you about the following, it would be best to avoid these topics and not bring them up yourself:
- Private life:
- Marital status.
- Cultural note: If it is mentioned, the word “partner” can be preferred over gendered words by some people.
- Family and children.
- Marital status.
- Personal affairs:
- Personal beliefs:
- Politics.
- Religion.
- Income and money.
- Cultural note: In Asia, the practice of giving money to kids as presents is usual. In the West, however, we avoid pretty much all mention of money.
- Age.
- Health and physical appearance.
- Living situation.
- Personal beliefs:
- Gossip and rumors.
Litmus test for confident students
Check to see if your student can handle these questions naturally.
You might say, "So, your English is really good. I think this small talk might be fine for you, but let's check to see if there is any new language or style to pick up. I have a few questions for you."
- So, how's the weather been?
- The answer should be qualitative, "It's been great! You know, blue skies, high 20s (in celsius)."
- The answer should not be strictly factual, "The weather has been sunny." (Unless you are a robot.)
- Let's say we're working together. Can you take the lead and find something interesting in common with me?
- The student should start by asking general questions, then down specific ones:
"So, what do you like doing on weekends?" ...or... "Are you into any sports?" → "Oh, no kidding? I love soccer!" - The student should not start with specific questions. That would be weird. "Hello. Do you like playing badminton?" Nope, weird.
- The student should start by asking general questions, then down specific ones:
1. This dialog takes place in a large office with a diverse workforce. Choose a person and read the dialog with your teacher, then discuss what you would do differently if you were that person.
Tim: Good morning, how’s it going today?
Arnie: Fine, and you?
Tim: I can’t complain. The sun’s shining. It’s supposed to be beautiful this weekend. What are you up to? Any plans?
Arnie: I haven’t thought about it.
Tim: You should get out, get some fresh air and have fun!
Arnie: I suppose.
Tim: The boys and I are going to go up to the lake on Sunday for a barbecue. You should join us.
Arnie: Thanks for the offer. I'm fine though.
2. How does small talk vary around the world?
1. The problem is that Tim wants to have small talk, but Arnie doesn't.
- Arnie could have loosened up and met Tim's efforts for small talk.
- Or, Tim should have gotten down to business.
Consultants need to meet people where they are: some will want small talk; others won't. It depends on workload, mood, personality and culture.
Ask:
- Have you been in this situation? What's the solution?
- Either Tim needs to chill out, or Arnie needs to brighten up.
- Considering they are speaking English, and most English-speaking countries value small talk, perhaps the latter (Arnie probably needs to be more friendly).
- Either Tim needs to chill out, or Arnie needs to brighten up.
Perhaps it's cultural.
2. How does small talk vary around the world?
Do you know of any cultures that don't value small talk very much?
Some interesting cultural information with links here:
- Germans don't even have a word for "small talk".
- They generally do not like small talk. This is well documented, for instance in this article about German manners.
- British people do make small talk and often talk about the weather:
- "A poll of 2,000 adults found the British stereotype of chatting about the weather is true, with the subject coming up three times in a typical day."
- Americans tend to value small talk, as written about in the Harvard Business Review:
- "Small talk is a critical tool for creating a personal bond... There’s nothing small about the role that small talk plays in American professional culture. People from other countries are often surprised at how important small talk is in the U.S. and how naturally and comfortably people seem to do it—with peers, subordinates, men, women, and even with superiors."
Recall the previous lesson's warm-up about "the airport test"—"Would I be okay with being stuck at an airport with this person?" You need to think about their culture and be sensitive to it.
The point:
There are different social/cultural styles, but bear in mind that each individual is different, too.
A. Talking about simple topics like the weather doesn't have to be boring. Discuss the following phrases with your instructor:
- It’s lovely/beautiful today, isn’t it?
- What fantastic weather we're having!
- What miserable/terrible/awful weather today.
- Oh my goodness, it’s raining cats and dogs. I hope it clears up for the weekend.
- It’s been unseasonably hot, hasn’t it?
- It's so muggy today. I'll be honest, the humidity really gets to me!
B. One common conversation framework is the "triple-A" method: Answer, Add, Ask a return question.
With your teacher, think of a response, additional information and a follow-up question to each of these small-talk openers:
- How about this weather? It's pouring out there, isn't it?
- How's your week going?
- How was your meeting?
- Any plans over the weekend?
C. Some diverse teams start with ice-breaker activities to encourage understanding and open communication. Work with your teacher through each of the following ice-breakers:
- Fun fact:
What's a fun fact about you? - One shining moment:
Think of an impressive (and specific) success story you have. - Things in common:
Work with your teacher and find 3 surprising things you have in common. - Describe the other:
Now that you've gotten to know the other person, describe them.
A. Key point: Make evaluative judgments about the weather. It's not just sunny, it's beautiful!
- If your student has any trouble, ask them which is better: if I say to you,
- "Hi, you are wearing a tie." Or,
- "Hey, nice tie!"
(Obviously, the second one.)
Language notes:
- raining cats and dogs—raining A LOT
- clears up—stops raining or stops being cloudy; becomes sunny
- muggy = humid (but muggy is more negative).
If you have time and a keen student, do the same for any other common topic.
You can brainstorm language related to being busy:
- Idiom: I have a lot on my plate this week—I have so many tasks to do.
- Idiom: I'm snowed under—I have too many tasks to do; I'm unable to do other things.
- I have a deadline tomorrow so it's crunch time today.—I have a lot of tasks that must be completed before a tight deadline.
Or sleep:
- I slept well, so I'm feeling refreshed.
- Idiom: I slept like a log last night!—I slept very well.
- Idiom: I've been burning the midnight oil.—I've been working very late (from when people used oil lamps at night).
- I haven't slept nearly enough!
- I need to catch up on sleep—my sleeping time has been too short, so I need to sleep longer soon.
B. By the way, not offering small talk when asked seems rude. Small talk is polite if the other person expects it.
- How about this weather? It's pouring out there, isn't it?
- Yea, it's raining like crazy!
- Luckily I didn't need to go outside. My train line connects to this building directly.
- How about you, how was your commute this morning?
- How's your week going?
- So far so good!
- I had a big meeting yesterday, and it went even better than I expected.
- How about your week?
- How was your meeting?
- It was good.
- The client was pleased, so it was nice and short.
- Have you had any meetings this week?
- Any plans over the weekend?
- Yea!
- I'm going to go to the park with my wife and daughter. She's 4, my daughter, that is, so she loves running around and playing.
- How about you? Any plans?
Politeness in English includes matching the other person's tone. If they are friendly and want to talk, then you should try to meet that style.
C. Diverse teams often have ice-breakers.
Why? If you have a team from one culture, there is a good chance they have a lot in common already and will probably communicate well pretty quickly. But imagine a team with 2 Japanese people, 2 Spanish people, an American and an Australian. They might not communicate openly very quickly! Ice-breakers are often used in such cases.
Advice: Approach ice-breakers with enthusiasm even if you actually don't like them. Teaming depends somewhat on first impressions.
- Fun fact. Emphasis on fun! This is probably from outside your work.
E.g., "When I was younger I played basketball! I wanted to go on and play college ball, but it turns out I'm better at analysis. I still like watching it though!" - Shining moment. This is about work. Feel free to brag.
E.g., "I helped win a client's second contract when I was on my very first project! I took time to build trust with my counterparts and when they signed the next contract, they asked for me by name. I was really surprised, and, of course, really happy." - Things in common. Obviously not "two eyes and a nose".
Ask your client to lead this one. You can talk about food, travel, sports, speaking English... - Describe the other. Many ice-breakers end like this, where you break up the small groups and work on presentation skills. Ask your client to lead this one, too.
Take a look at the profiles below.
With your teacher, think of at least two good opening questions.
- Antonio is an English-speaking consultant in your office. You worked together on a project last year. He loves playing football and drinking with colleagues. It's Friday, and you see him getting coffee and a doughnut at your office. He says, "Hi."
- Monty is your client. You have worked with him for over a year on two different projects. During that time, he's had his first child and he's recently returned from paternity leave. His wife's name is Anne. He loves basketball and cheers for the Golden State Warriors.
- Anna is a client you are meeting for the second time. She is from Sweden and seems friendly, but during the last meeting, you only did formal introductions. It's Monday. Last night a typhoon hit, and this morning some train lines and roads were closed.
- Shawna is your counterpart at a client company. She's originally from Louisiana (the American south). She loves outdoor activities like hiking. You've been meeting every other day for about a month. It's Monday, and she seems tired.